Around the corner from Leicester Square, away from the glamour and excitement of the Spiderman 3 premiere comes the distant roll of thunder. This is the sound of over four thousand horses with a single purpose; to canter, trot, gallop, jump and put on one hell of a show for all of London. All to the tune of ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’.

This was the scene at Trafalgar Sq, St Georges Day 2007, where Spamalot cast and crew were on hand to provide coconuts to any who wished to take part, and to teach a cast of thousands how to ride Python-style. The current record holders, New York - with 1,789 attendees set in March last year. We’re British, and nobody is better at looking complete and total tits than the British.

We arrived around 17.40 and exchanged our already printed registration forms for fine pairs of coconuts, so to speak. These were to be our finest of steeds for the evening, and guarantee us a place on the throne of history. “That guy from Capital One” was on stage to keep the early-comers amused, before Ken Livingstone arrived to rally the troops and offer words of support. It’s St Georges day, so we should all be incredibly proud to be British as well as be especially proud of the fantastic institution that is the British Film Festival. After about four hours of Ken being on stage, I was awoken to the sound of clip-clops in my ear and enthusiastically threw my coconuts together in an insane frenzy. If nothing else, so that Ken would leave the stage before he had a chance to bound into another pride speech

Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones, members of the original Holy Grail, Python crew were next up - to offer advice on how to manage your horse, as well as introduce the training video. Coconuts clipped, coconuts clopped, and coconuts everywhere embarked upon their slow but inevitable journey to becoming small piles of dust. That is to say, we were all pleased to greet them

And what followed was a quick trip to the local Cafe…
“Nine Kroenenburgs please.”
“Nine?”
“… Better make it ten”.
… And much practising of the lungs, clipping, coconut mexican waves (Tsunami’s, more like), and clopping before the big event.

This is what all of us had been born for. This was the moment that 4,382+ insignificant and small lives, would become somehow more meaningful and fulfilled. We would show New York - nay - we would show the world who makes the biggest, and greatest coconut orchestra of all time. And show them we did. There are surprisingly no youtube videos of the event at the time of writing, but there is no doubt in my mind that soon they will flood the internet by the .. tens. When that happens, we can show you as well. But for now you’ll have to just trust me

It amazes me now, listening to Sister Hazel as well as listening to Liam Frost on the way home. There is just something inherently wrong with any song that doesn’t have coconuts in the chorus. We were taught this at school when music class had no guitars, keyboards, or computer-generated music. Instead - a single Xylophone with missing keys, and an assorted accompaniment of random percussion instruments cobbled together sometime in the early 50’s. I managed to avoid exposing my coconuts on the train though. If the song wasn’t written with coconuts, they just can’t be added randomly. Or can they?

Anyway, this is a discussion for future debate, and I’m getting way off track. So, record attempt - great. We achieved greatness with over 4,382 musicians. And as a reward, the entirety of Monty Python and the Holy Grail (the film version, not Spamalot) was aired on a huge screen in the middle of Trafalgar Sq. There’s a lot to be said for sitting on a cold ground, cross-legged staring up at a film with huge numbers of other people in total silence, aside from the raucous clip-clip, clip-clop of every coconut in the square whenever King Arthur trotted around the screen, and screams of Nii!

And that’s what it’s all about, so go on - give a whistle.