During a bit of general maintenance and tidying of my blog, I came across this article that I’d apparently never published. So just like a “Kevin Blake” Christmas card, I’m posting it now in May (I’ve fudged the dates though, so you’ll never know 
) Enjoy.
“Can I help you sir?”, asked the friendly Toy’R'Us employee.
“Nah, I’m just looking. Thanks”, I politely replied.
“Ah, okay. It’s just that you have that bemused look of someone who’s totally fed up with Christmas shopping”, said the smug, overly happy customer assistance toys and present expert.
“Haha, yeah, that’s about right”, I laughed back, wanting to smack the smug bastard in the face.
Yep, so I might have jumped the gun a little when I proudly announced that I had already bought presents even though it was only Dec 9th. Buying two presents before Christmas weekend doesn’t necessarily mean a whole helluva of a lot if you don’t do the rest until Christmas weekend. It really comes down to the fact that you will still be running around at the last minute trying to think of ideas for presents.
“Well not next year.” I told myself, as I walked up and down the high street. ‘Sorry, no cash available’ each of the cash machines gloated. “No, next year I’ll order it all on-line and think about it in advance”. Yeah right.
The Christmas tree has huge piles of wrapped present goodness under it. The lights sparkle around the flat. Work clothes are stuffed firmly in the wardrobe under four days worth of clothes that will go nowhere near the office. The fridge is groaning under the weight of a huge Christmas dinner, and a large turkey is defrosting slowly on the side. Bottles of wine lie scattered about the flat with many more en route, and the town centre is full of crazed chickens running from store to store, and swarming around the sprouts at Tesco’s.
Speaking of, I need to stay away from Tesco’s as every trip that goes near food now involves thoughts like “oh, we don’t have any sausage rolls, I’d better get some before Christmas Day.” Whilst it’s true we don’t have any sausage rolls, we also don’t have any spring rolls, or halibut. I’m sure we have ample food to serve all six of us this coming Christmas – so I should just leave well alone.
So, nauseating Christmas part. I want to wish everyone a very happy Christmas. I hope that Santa brings all the presents that you were hoping for, and that you all get to spend the holidays with the people you care most about.
Everyone laughed at me when I claimed that Squirrels in the area of Russell Square were armed, and meant business. Nobody took me seriously when I claimed that one had followed me home, and had been waiting on a tree stump outside all night.
