We both liked the dunes so much, we decided it was a good idea to bring as much of it back to the hotel as we could carry. That meant filling our shoes, pockets, bags and ears. It also meant we should liberally apply sun tan lotion so we could get as much stuck to our skin as we possibly could too.

Yesterday we went into the glitz and glamour of playa de inglais. A resorty type area with a lot of great clubs and bars like “Rooney’s”, and “Beckhams Bar”. It also had a fantastic shopping centre that boasted landmarks from all over the world, Prague, London, Paris. I’m not sure if they were actually stolen and imported, or if they were cheap plastic imitation. But I was impressed.

“It reallly is a just pile of shit, isn’t it?” says Ali.

Shop hustlers outside each shop “what do you like to buy? Camera for 80 euros?” Yeah, because while browsing for something nice for the folks back home, I really want a new camera. I think they need to start smaller for the casual shopper crowd. Playa de Inglais DID have an internet café though, which meant we could print out our booking voucher and ensure our stay at Parque Luz. At last Oblivious to the world, I sat down at the computer while Ali noticed all of the topless men pictures all around the walls. I think we found the world’s only gay Internet Café. Or maybe not, maybe there are loads of them. And there’s a need for more shops and services like it.

We also found a pub that proudly advertised that they aired all of the British soaps, Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale. I imagined a large group of obsessives all trundling down there every evening, with their copy of Heat magazine following along.

All of the glamour was a bit much for our fragile little minds to be honest. So we ended up back at the dunes. I discovered that while we were sitting on top of the dunes, if I were to push the sand away from below where Ali was sitting, she would move slowly down the dunes. Ali didn’t fnd discovering her shorts full of sand quite as funny as I did, but it was all in aid of science. So it was okay After reading this out to her, she claims that it was more annoying she found it in her knickers. I don’t know what she’s complaining about.

So I went for a wander across the dunes, wanting to get to a point where all I could see were dunes. It was ace. The rain from the night before had created lots of nice sand plateau’s, and I quite rarely came across any other people. People had found dark stones and written charming messages like L (heart) G. Which sadly looked a lot more like LOG, and made me chuckle. I wanted to write a big message saying HELP! but after finding 4 dark stones, I ran out of patience.

We were both covered in sand by the time I rejoined Ali, and the wind had picked up a bit sending nice stinging sand all over us. Ali had some fantastic sand stubble by the time we found our way out of the dunes. So we emptied our shoes and headed back to the apartments.

A German sounding tour rep came and visited us a few days ago at the apartment, and asked if we were interested in a boat trip. He also managed to convince us that if we didn’t want that, we should go on a Jeep Safari into the mountains. You’ll meet younger people, we leave from a shopping centre better than the Faro 2, and you won’t be stuck on a coach with old people who are only interested in comfort. Thinking the Faro 2 was alright, liking the idea of a bit of comfort into the mountains, and not finding the idea of chatting to old people altogether repuslive - we handed over our 18 euros deposit, had the meeting point marked on our map for us, and away he went. “Where did he say we were supposed to meet again?” … “erm, I’m not sure”. “Bugger”

We rose and shone early at 8.00am, and headed for a Taxi into Playa del Inglis, the resort area just down the road from Maspalomas. At the early morning briefing, we got the same jokes that I’m sure are given to every group, every day. “We have to take this photo for insurance purposes, so we can tell the company who is missing when we come back down”. “We have something special for lunch today, the same as yesterday, and the day before” and so on. The Jeep Master was the perfect cheese that you’d expect to find on a Jeep Safari
Our group whom we were sharing the Jeep with were all German speakers. Not exactly a rarity on this little island. There must be some very cheap flights from there Gran Canaria as the language seems to be more widely spoken than English. It didn’t take too long before the GCSE German kicked in, and we were both able to pick up little bits and pieces of what was going on. The group was very friendly and did manage to include us - and I was glad that we ended up on that Jeep. We also had the only non-tour operator driver of the day. A guy from Switzerland who did very well, and not only got us up into the mountains safely, but brought us back home too.

Our “safari” took us up 1,200 metres, and to the centre of Gran Canaria, also to a restaurant in the the volcano crater. There are also a large number of villages in that crater. Undoubtedly for the rich farming area. I know villages are often built on the side of a volcano - this is the first I’d seen within it. Not that you could tell
We also went off-road for a bit. To the shouts of “off-road” as we bounced our way merrily along the dirt track getting covered in dust from the jeeps in the lead.

Not far into the safari - is when we discovered the merits of six people sitting in the back of an open framed jeep … during a thunderstorm.

The rain came down. The jeep behind us frantically tried to put up the plastic cover while speeding through the mountain roads. We didn’t have a plastic cover for our jeep. But Ali had a towel.

You might think we’d all be a bit annoyed by heavy rain, but it did make the trip even more hilarious than the camel ride. And they’re supposed to be the MOST hilarious. Bizarre.

And it wasn’t that heavy until on the way back, where we stopped the jeep and all ran for shelter inside the bins housing on the side of the road. It smells, but it’s dry. Pictures to follow
So, that’s the jeep safari in a nutshell - great fun - and I’m really glad we chose that over the coach ride. Doesn’t give me the usual “facts about Gran Canaria” to write here, butyou can’t have everything. Besides, the guide book has stuff like that. Christopher Columbus put in at Gran Canaria during his 1st, 2nd and 4th voyages across the atlantic. It’s quite possible that an ancestor of Terry Bull entertained him during one of his stays here. Terry Bull - TerriBull - Terrible. As one of the safari-goers pointed out. Ahh, brilliant.

Thanks to all for the gift ideas - it’s the shopping trip tomorrow (providing everything hasn’t closed for easter already) - so I’ll see what other useless tat we can dig up

Given it’s tuesday now. I don’t want to have the same sort of present request failings that I had in Cyprus So, any particular presents required from Gran Canaria. Leave your comments now!

Examples of presents seen so far include phallic wax candles. Or a vast array of alcohol - the supermarkets here lure you in the same way the UK ones do with fruit - right at the entrance. Or perhaps a scary looking cuddly camel - it may well be made of real dead camel.

Gran Canaria tea towels, perhaps? A mug? Or a camel hat that matches my “Look at me, I’m a tourist!” hat I bought yesterday? I’ve even heard rumours of a holographic Virgin Mary from our scottish friends in the apartment over at number 30.

So, if you do want anything cool - leave me a comment here. If you want the surprise of some total tat - then wait until I get home. No guarantees though - I might have trouble find just the right tea towel for you. But you might as well ask

Before I start on anything we did today, I’ve got to finish off last nights entertainment.

We went to eat in a restaurant overlooking the sunset in the Faro 2 shopping centre, I had a great Steak and Ali managed to leave the fishbone from her grilled Sole entirely intact. When the waiter returned to take our plates … “Great, very nice” we said, “lovely jubbly” he said. Never thought I’d hear a Canarian say the words “lovely jubbly” … But I’m kind glad I did
Anyway, this morning we stood at a bus stop for a long time before Ali asked an English-looking woman, “are you going to Palmito’s Park?” … And that’s when we found out we were standing on the wrong side of the road…

A short bus trip through the mountains later and we arrived at Palmito’s Park, an animal / bird sanctuary a little way into the mountains. It was really really nice up there, a lot cooler than the hot sun-blazing area of Maspalomas. The entire park was made up of cactus plants, and palm trees, and lots of open type cages. Walking through the entrance led us to see the small group of Meerkats. Unfortunately Ella didn’t appear to be there, but they were very cool all the same - with a small litter of younger Meerkats (do they have litters? I think so). Next door to them is Spain’s only Komodo Dragon, and onwards a huge array of tropical birds, birds of prey, parrots, alligators, rabbits (!!!), and more and more and more.

We sat and watched the Birds of Prey demonstration - with a bald eagle and hawk circling above the entire time, (the hawk that didn’t want to come back). Cliche’d as it is, a really magnificent bird - and great to see up in the mountains. It seemed more natural than seeing them on Southsea common at farm shows.

There was also a brilliant moment when the falconeer asked for four kids from the audience, announcing the imminent arrival of the world’s largest bird, with a four metre wingspan, and weighing over 45 pounds. The falconeer and his assistances handed over the gloves to the kids and ran and hid behind the restaurant area. But the intense fear soon left as they brought out the koockaburra. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but be a bit dissapointed.

The other entertainment of the day was from the Parrot show. Where Ali was most disturbed by the Parrots riding bikes, and raising flags, and generally doing things that parrots don’t often do in the wild.

Seperated at birth, two hearts divided between two continents. Born of the same mother, but thrown into obscurity - these two creatures led very similar lives in very distant lands. They battle against the odds to find a place they can call home, and perhaps one day meet again, or at the hope, get a message passed against all odds to tell the tale of their lost brotherhood.

There should be no doubt in your mind that I am of course talking about Clive. And there should also be no doubt that you cannot talk about Clive without the thought of his twin brother Colin in your deepest thoughts.

This is Colin’s story…

He’s a camel, we don’t know if he’s related to Clive, but he does look extremely similar in a way that only camels can. And today, we took a camel ride across the dunes, or rather, around them. And it was great! It’s difficult to describe the sensation even with hand movements, as I tried to do earlier. “Do you remember earlier, when we on the camel going like this?” I asked Ali, rolling my hand in a circular motion. “Yeah, and we were like this”, Ali replied, flailing her arms in the air and rolling side to side.

So, riding a camel is a lot like being on the set of thunderbirds, while journeying 10,000 leagues under the sea. Amazing what early afternoon Sunday television can teach you.

We called our Camel, Collin, as you might have guessed and he led the way in the group of three camels on our small trekking party around the dunes. I presumed that meant he was one of the coolest of all the camels. Which was evident because; everyone followed him; when he stopped to see what some plants smelt like, we all stopped; if he wanted to send Ali into the bushes, well he just had to move a bit to the right; and if at the end, he wanted to sit down and not wait for the other camels or the humans to say “you can sit now” - well he was damn well going to sit down.

The camel safari is proudly stated as “The most hilarious excursion in Gran Canaria”. And they’re not wrong, even if I do suspect they just have crap translators. “Uhhhh, Dave, did you send those leaflets out to the printers yet? I think we have a typo”. And it was without a doubt hilarious, and a definate plus on the things to do front.

We left the camel place and argued over what was better. The lizards that live in the Barranco de Maspalomas, or the camels. I still say the camels are better, as I left the camel place quickly forgetting the glee I had at staring at the lizards earlier on in the day. “No, we should love Gran Canaria as a whole, not forget the old toys because a new one has come along”, says Ali. I agreed - but silently, and between you and me….the camels ARE better

So tonight we’re going to go and visit Terry Bull at the bar. He’s the guy who was singing to himself in the empty bar on our first night. Well, it’s only fair that since we laughed at him every day - we go and laugh in his face. Which reminds me, that bar has a job opening at the moment. Ladies wanted, Must be Flexible. If you’re interested

And then tomorrow, it’s off to Palmitos Park, so we can go and laugh at some more animals - including their new Komodo Dragon. I’m also on the lookout for Conejo, or Rabbit. Because the wildlife reserve says they have them - but all I saw were birds and lizards. So maybe the park will also give a big check mark there too